This seemed so unjust to me. Why should I apologize if I wasn’t sorry? So I made the decision that I would never apologize again unless I really was sorry.
The problem with this decision was that I became so used to not saying sorry, that sometimes I wouldn’t apologize, even if I was sorry. I found this to crop up in my marriage as a negative thing. I realized that sometimes, even if I wasn’t sorry for what I had said, I was sorry that I hurt the person’s feelings, or that I had been so tactless.
It’s okay to admit that your wrong sometimes and it’s okay to apologize after the moment has passed. Although “an apology doesn’t fix it”, it can make it better for the person to know how you feel. This is especially true for your spouse! If there’s anyone that you want to swallow your pride for, it’s them.
Gary Thomas writes in Sacred Marriage that
“Mature adults realize that every relationship involves conflict, confession, and forgiveness.” “If I can learn to forgive and accept my imperfect spouse, I’ll be well equipped to offer forgiveness outside my marriage. Forgiveness, I’m convinced, is so unnatural an act that it takes practice to perfect.”
Also, we're talking about REAL sincere apologies. Not the "I'm sorry that you were offended by my opinion" apologies that aren't really owning and apologizing for anything that you did ;) Find a way to take responsibility for your part in the argument.
What are some ways that you can practice apologizing in your marriage?
Until next time,